Firm Loyalty on Wall Street

There is none.

You're a number.

I'm talking to you, Office Douche. You must understand that your value to your employer is strictly based on whether or not they can get figure out how to get your function done elsewhere - by someone else - for less, regardless of the fact that:

- Your such a company slave that you quiver at the thought of being in the presence of "company brass", in fear that you didn't iron your ugly paisley tie before you left the house.

- Your the only office douche bag who responds to the generic company-wide email distributions with things like "good to know", "helpful, thanks" and "good read".

- You awkwardly introduce yourself to anyone and everyone in a button-down shirt because you are nervous that it might be someone from upper-management that you haven't frightened yet with your dumb grin and sloppy handshake. Well, guess what? The guy you are talking to right now - that's Bart from the Mail Room. He may has on a button-down shirt, but his tie is wrapped around his head and he doesn't have socks on. You loser.

You're trying too hard.

The sooner that you understand this concept of "Zero Loyalty", the sooner you can take your sick days with no remorse, leave early if you must, and be okay with coming in 3 minutes late because you had to stop for a pecan ring from the extra-extra-clean guy in his extra-clean cart out in front of the office.

Do me a favor, go back to your desk and stay there - you Jackass. Don't move, don't speak. Just do your work whilst I sit here and pray that they figure out how to get your function done elsewhere - by someone else - for less.

Your years of service - don't matter.

Office Douche's office doucheness - don't matter.

The dedication and the other intangibles - don't matter.

The fact is, Wall Street is a complex arena that boils down to nothing more than a simple cut-throat numbers game...and the numbers game doesn't take names.

Now get away from my desk before I slam my highlighter-filled mug over your head.